So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
