What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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