dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
