Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
