does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
