I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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