He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
