What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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