If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
