Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i dont even know how to be here
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
