I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
