i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
