I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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