No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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