Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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