The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
