what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this hospital has no fireball
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
