Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
