It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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