she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did I show you my penis last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
