Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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