those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
