get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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