I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
