There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
