I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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