@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
