it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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