He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
