My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
