where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
