I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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