Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
