I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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