my mouth tastes like poor choices
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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