It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
