I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
