New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
