Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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