If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
