yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
