Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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