I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
