I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
