maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
