Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
