you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
