this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have tasted many bathrooms
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
