I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i came on her dog
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
