Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
