He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
