So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
