Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
