Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize