she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
