I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize