Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
