I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
