you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
