we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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