Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
