how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
