remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
