I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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