Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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