She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
