I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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