I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
