i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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