you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
