fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
