It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
