just come out here and I will go home with you...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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