so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's get the cat blown out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
