just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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