Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
