Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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