"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
