Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
