He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
