Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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