She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
