At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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