Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
