OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
don't judge my taste in strippers
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
