so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize