dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
