great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
