I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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