So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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