She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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