A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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