my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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