i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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