I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
